Epochs of Amor

Your behaviour does remind me of the cold and numbing Winter nights,
Pin drop silence on the roads with closed windows, drawn curtains and dimmed lights.
Chilly on the outside. Warm and fuzzy inside.

Your smile does remind me of the hauntingly beautiful Autumn dusks,
Where the whole world stumbles and almost shows their real faces behind those unrealistic masks.
Pretty on the outside. Hiding what not inside.

Your eyes do remind me of the bright sunny days of Summer,
When the birds are always chirping and the trees and flowers murmur.
Happy and energetic on the outside. Even though the circumstances around are far from being alright.

Your voice does remind me of Spring,
When the world comes alive and the planet seems to be doing absolutely alright!
Strong and commanding on the outside. Weary and tired of fighting all alone all the time.

But when people ask me if these are the reason I fell in love with you; I simply smile because they are not why I love you, o sweet friend of mine.

It is not what is easily visible about you that made me fall; rather I fell for you like falling in love with the anticipation of the first Monsoon showers after the departure of a long Summer or like the inexplicable urge to see a flower bloom and welcome Spring after hibernating through a cold Winter!

I guess what they say is true;

Love is not what you see but it is almost always what you feel.

©theblackcurse via Seasons of Love

Unposted Letters #3

I don’t know if I should start the letter by addressing you in a loving manner because of where we stand today. I never thought we’d fall down this far into the pit that getting out and starting afresh would become impossible. But then I believed we could and told you too!
And then the rant began when I questioned my disgusting self.

Why would you believe me? Have I ever given you any reason to? No! Quite the contrary. I’ve given you nothing but pain, tears, turmoils and struggles. How can I expect to heal you now?
I was so stupid to think that it would be easy. So idiotic to think I could do it. I’ve never been able to mend anything. How’s this any different? How can I fix you when all I can do is break people? Funny right? How a broken person can break so many more down? I suppose a shard of glass still cuts deep into the skin of the innocent as much as a knife does.

Did I really take the decision? To leave?
Was it so easy to believe that I’d leave? Yet again?
Was it so hard to trust me one more time, my friend?

Are the scars so deep that I could never even reach them?
Did I fill you up with so much negativity?
That you could see nothing instead?
Feel nothing apart from the fear of me leaving you stranded?
Was I not trying enough? To make things better again?
Was I not trying enough? To mend those bridges I had burnt down between us one day?

Did my eyes not show you the regret within my soul to see you like this? Or were you so blinded by the past that the present made no sense? Was it very difficult to imagine that we could make it till the end? Was it necessary for you to leave me alone during so many nights, my friend?
Did it feel weird when they called you my girlfriend because you’d stopped believing we’d ever reach that stage?
You know it is funny, this age.

Defining love is none of my business and trying to make you realise that this was real was probably a futile exercise. We’d been waging wars from quite a while but don’t you think off late our weapons used to hurt us quite a lot more than the previous times?
I know what I did was the reason for all this mess but baby I actually never even contemplated leaving you this time!
They say our past comes back to haunt us but I believed that our present would be so strong that it’d scare away our past and it’ll make sure we’re never in tears.

The voice notes actually were wrong. The words said were venomous like I am. The tone was hissing like a snake but I am not a snake; I’m not two faced. I expressed and look where it has brought us, dear. Look what I did to you after you took me back again. Look what I did.
I wish I could take it back but I can’t and now it is all too late for anything anyway.

That’s a sad story right there. Our ‘could have’ would definitely have been a dream come true! But then the ink is dry and your eyes are wet again; the Kohl around your eyes are not the ink I wanted to use to write down our story on these white papers.

Why am I so bad? Why is it so hard to be in love with me? Why did everyone around me who tried to love me, give up and go away? I used to think it was a two sided affair but now? After today?
I stand corrected, rectified and completely flabbergasted.
It is always going to be just me and my unmanageable regrets.
I never intended this to happen, you know? I actually wanted us to make it till the end…. but now I realise I’m designed to be alone.
No use trying to make something impossible and improbable into a mess. I’m already one; why make you into one too? I feel sorry for this. I feel guilty of doing this. I am disappointed that you couldn’t trust me the time I really deserved it. I am not supposed to be loved. I cannot be.

In a world full of people who live and love; I’m supposed to survive alone. That’s my destiny. That’s what I shall get. But not you. Not you.
Everyone cannot be lucky enough to find love but look at me? I found it and I lost it. So many times. This isn’t a way to make things fine; using words to melt you because honestly I have understood I can’t. This is not a letter but a declaration of defeat. I accept all that I did. I accept all that I never intended to do. I accept that I am unlovable. I accept that you are better hence you deserve better. Sorry but these words have come back because one cannot hide the truth with compensating lies. It just doesn’t work that way. I never thought I’d bring you down here and now I don’t know if I can ever make sure you get out of this pit of danger but you should. Escape it. You’re meant for better things. You’re meant to be loved in a much better way. By a much better human being who doesn’t have so many underlying issues. I’m sorry for being a mess and making you one too! I’m sorry for being this way. I’m sorry I didn’t die before I ever met you. I’m sorry that it is too late!

©theblackcurse

Digne • Indigne

Sorry for being the person you never wanted me to be.
Sorry for being the partner you never deemed normal and worthy.
Sorry for being the friend you never could flaunt proudly.
Sorry for being a disappointment for you and your family.
Sorry for being a ridiculous excuse of a man.
A hollow shell making sound but worth nothing.
Sorry for disgusting you with my cheap mentality.
Sorry for being so toxic to you and your soul.

People know me to be who I am not.
I am the worst possible man in love with the best possible woman.
I am loved by her even after I have destroyed her in every manner possible.
Her patience is paramount and my paranoia is all she ever gets back!
Anxiety, possessiveness, anger issues and so much more
She suffered it all with a smile on her face and silence wrapped around her lips.
I left her countless times and yet she was there to recover me everytime I came back.

The world should know that you are an angel.
And I am worse than the Devil himself.

I can never be who you wished for me to be.
No matter how many times you buy me expensive ties and shirts; how can a man like me be good from within?

I’m a sinner. I am your sinner. Always was and always will be.

You’re my salvation and I’m your damnation baby.

©theblackcurse

To be continued.

Unposted Letters #2

When in the morning I wake up late,
And you fly into a rage,
I quickly sit up on the bed,
For I understand what’s there in my fate.

When I don’t reply to your never-ending texts,
Your blood pressure at once jumps and the usual serenading voice of yours,
Often compared to an Angel’s by me,
Changes into a scorned and angry one,
Demanding an answer to the reason of my late reply.

I oblige with an answer as I know that you’ll not take much time to return to your lovely and graceful self.
They say ‘when all else fails, there’s family’; well, for me it’s You!
I know everyone else may feel bad, may feel left out but what do I do?
It is not always that I can tell them that.. I love her,
It is not always that I can tell you that.. I love you.

When you feel that I’m unromantic and that I don’t express my love through the preferred phrase of “I Love You’s”
I know how you feel but what to do?
And as they say, ‘true love is felt!’

Don’t worry about things I say in anger,
I’m a kid so my anger provokes these,
But somewhere down the line I’m sure you know
That though it is not always that I can tell you,
But know this my love… I do love you!

©theblackcurse via the first letter for her

Featured Picture – Rupsa Sreemani.

My Bougainville

I’ve walked around a fascinating place,
Up in the mountains, away from the plains.
I’ve walked across gorgeous gardens,
Where my gloomy childhood blossomed
And the happiness was never shrouded.

I’ve seen colours painted across the sky,
I’ve seen birds singing to fireflies.
I’ve walked past the place where I saw you,
Been there a zillion times and yet it still feels so new.
I’ve attached our memories to the petals and the feathers,
In Autumn they fall, only to re-emerge through unposted letters.

I’ve stood beneath you, my Bougainville,
I’ve whispered my worries into your ears.
I’ve stopped by while rushing to a destination,
Only to catch a leaf fall to the ground in silent anticipation.

I’ve left the city which beholds you,
And yet I reminisce about the evening walks and what I’d do.
In this foreign land, on this foreign soil, every dawn,
You bloom just as beautifully as you did in my backyard lawn.

The pinkish hues feel soothing to my eyes,
As I float back to the afternoon in my mind,
When below you I so peacefully lied,
And the world seemed like it wasn’t dying.

©the black curse via My Bougainville
@d_debi clicked.

Quote Unquote ~ Day 3

So this is the final day of the Quotes challenge for which I was nominated by @therendezvousclub. I thank you again for this.

I nominate @sanaa001

This is a Hindi quote written in English. Hopefully you’ll be able to relate to it and like it.

Here it goes..

The English translation would read something like this :-

Does that heart of yours beat in the same manner for him when your eyes meet? Do your lips quiver the same way when you take his name?

Will you destroy him in the same fashion as you once had ruined me? Will he be able to sacrifice himself for you like I had once done so easily?

Will he be able to become yours like I had once been?

Quote Unquote ~ Day 1

When I’m with you; I’m lost in your eyes.

When I’m not; I’m lost in your thoughts!

Hey everyone, I was nominated for the 3 Days Quotes Challenge by @therendevouzclub and I thank her for this opportunity to take part in this challenge.

The rules are simple:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you.

  2. Write one quote each day for 3 days.

  3. Nominate another blogger each day.

Today I nominate @nomadickahanis