You came in like a butterfly, fluttering around the dark side of my life.
You woke me up with a smile, the smile that can make everything feel just fine.
You made me realise that it was not my fault, that I too could be loved even after being so drastically flawed.
You made my insides crawl, with that look in your eyes and the earnestness in your soul.
You gave me courage to look at myself in a new light; not dreading the shadows and the past mistakes of my life.
You turned all the knobs of my insides and set them right; suddenly I was in tune and singing amidst the moonlight.
I looked at the mirror and there I was; the old me; rearranged and remoulded into someone absolutely new.
And then you did what I could never associate with you;
You left me and didn’t bother seeing me descent into the abyss of my past and the turmoil of breaking down; negating my growth in plain sight!
Tonight I am decked out for the whole world to see me,
They love the mask that is masking my insanity.
The cracks and crevices can be felt if someone looks a bit more closely but no one’s allowed anymore; after what you did to me.My frailties have slowly crept inside and morphed into my reality,My tears have dried up; just like your decaying humanity.
I arrange and rearrange the pieces of my mask every morning,
Only to break it again during the wee hours of my unceremonious mourning.
My hands often bleed because the shards are far too sharp for my skin,
But then again I make myself remember who I am and what I carry within my soul masked by my smile and my body:
A broken mask of beauty masking the marks left on me for loving someone ever so deeply. An emblem to prove that love heals a lot less than it ruptures and damages.
©the black curse
Picture courtesy – Sakshi Jajodia
Sorry for being the person you never wanted me to be.
Sorry for being the partner you never deemed normal and worthy.
Sorry for being the friend you never could flaunt proudly.
Sorry for being a disappointment for you and your family.
Sorry for being a ridiculous excuse of a man.
A hollow shell making sound but worth nothing.
Sorry for disgusting you with my cheap mentality.
Sorry for being so toxic to you and your soul.
People know me to be who I am not.
I am the worst possible man in love with the best possible woman.
I am loved by her even after I have destroyed her in every manner possible.
Her patience is paramount and my paranoia is all she ever gets back!
Anxiety, possessiveness, anger issues and so much more
She suffered it all with a smile on her face and silence wrapped around her lips.
I left her countless times and yet she was there to recover me everytime I came back.
The world should know that you are an angel.
And I am worse than the Devil himself.
I can never be who you wished for me to be.
No matter how many times you buy me expensive ties and shirts; how can a man like me be good from within?
I’m a sinner. I am your sinner. Always was and always will be.
You’re my salvation and I’m your damnation baby.
To be continued.
When in the morning I wake up late,
And you fly into a rage,
I quickly sit up on the bed,
For I understand what’s there in my fate.
When I don’t reply to your never-ending texts,
Your blood pressure at once jumps and the usual serenading voice of yours,
Often compared to an Angel’s by me,
Changes into a scorned and angry one,
Demanding an answer to the reason of my late reply.
I oblige with an answer as I know that you’ll not take much time to return to your lovely and graceful self.
They say ‘when all else fails, there’s family’; well, for me it’s You!
I know everyone else may feel bad, may feel left out but what do I do?
It is not always that I can tell them that.. I love her,
It is not always that I can tell you that.. I love you.
When you feel that I’m unromantic and that I don’t express my love through the preferred phrase of “I Love You’s”
I know how you feel but what to do?
And as they say, ‘true love is felt!’
Don’t worry about things I say in anger,
I’m a kid so my anger provokes these,
But somewhere down the line I’m sure you know
That though it is not always that I can tell you,
But know this my love… I do love you!
©theblackcurse via the first letter for her
Featured Picture – Rupsa Sreemani.
Life in the city is quite intriguing; days spent working and creating a livelihood whilst the nights caress the wounds that we suffer along the way. There are sunlit afternoons awaiting the mushy evenings and forlorn nights awaiting the break of a new dawn. A sense of purpose in every soul present here. A sense of utmost regret forming an outer layer.
Life goes about at its own pace here. Not abiding by wants and wishes but by needs and ambitions. A race to see who wins but the finish line stretches further everytime someone is about to cross it!
‘I hope you visit this place someday and get to this exact point on the edge of this mountain from where you can hear the Teesta flow and see the sun grow bigger and bigger before finally bidding adieu.’
A simple and poignant expression yet so heartbreakingly beautiful. A soul that is trapped in this metallic jungle is being lured to think of that holy day when he can break free from the shackles of this daily meaninglessness.
A soul that is standing beyond the mountains and experiencing the sun going down in all of it’s undying glory. She calls out to the one within me, the one she can see. The one she knows exists inside the bodily armour. The one she knows he hides from this everyday torture.
She knows that one day, the one within will surely find his way out of this mess. She knows that one day; someday he’ll fly out there beyond the point of humanly interactions and meet her there once again. She knows that he shall see the hues on the sky and the fleeting clouds that surround the mighty mountains. She knows the poem shall make sense for the last stanza is yet to be written. She knows that the heartfelt emotions with unlit passion will light up the embers of the forgotten past and she knows that this time it shall all last.
She knows that someday the wings will reappear and he shall be free from nothingness forevermore.
the black curse via escaping nothingness
If you ever find an animal that wants your Love; give it! And you’ll be amazed by how much you get back.
So, the story ends today? Such a vicious and violent ending to a life of twelve years. Such an ending to begin a day with. You are gone now. Gone with the wind. Gone like the car that did this to you. You’ve been taken away from us, just like your sister was, exactly this same time last year.
It hurts to see you lying there, not moving. It hurts to see your blood spilled all around the road. It hurts to see that I belong to this species and not yours. It hurts to see the woman who took care of you for the last twelve years, cry and shout out to almost anybody who cared to listen. It hurts that out of all the people in the lane that you guarded day in and day out; only as many as three came down to say farewell.
“Such a peculiar name!” they used to say. Ghushan. A name that is synonymous to our household. A name that everyone around us knows by heart. A name that I shall never forget. Is it always the same? After twelve long years; is this necessary? A life lived receiving and giving so much love. Ever heard a dog follow her master into a crowded bank? Ever heard a dog follow her master’s son up to his tuition teacher’s terrace? Just to make sure that they’re fine? Most probably; No!
I grew up with you Sister. I grew up different than most other children. I grew up with two street dogs. No exquisite breed. No friends. No one but these two ‘animals’ who made me understand what Life and Love is. My very childhood stubbed out in two years during the month of my birth. I remember how much you loved me Ghushan, I knew it everytime I saw those two beautiful eyes of yours. I remember those long, sultry afternoons of us sitting on the front stairs and seeing Time pass us by. How we used to play and during one such evening how I tripped over you and fell on your torso and everyone around feared that the “street dog” would bite and all you did was look back at me with astonished eyes and wagged your tail as always. I longed to see you after a day’s wait in school. I loved to see that glazing red fur and a wagging tail running up and down every car that tried to pass in a hurry through our small forgotten lane. And in the end; such a car took you away from us! Fair right?
I know you cannot hear me. I know you cannot see these words. I know you cannot come back to me as Ghushan but I do know that someday, somehow, somewhere we’ll meet again my beloved sister. May your Soul find peace in contrast to the way you met your end. It is going to be a long wait till I see you again; but when we meet, come running towards me like the dog that taught me how to love dogs. The dog that helped me grow up as a human. The dog who saw me change throughout the twelve years but never for once did you complain or stop loving me. Keep barking! Keep wagging your tail! To the most aristocrat street dog that ever lived! Thank you!
I hope you find Saadhu. Forgive me, for it is a shame to exist as a human. Forgive me, for I couldn’t save you. Forgive me, Sister. Adieu, friend. Rest in peace.